Maddie and Sam are going to be older siblings to a....

.....precious little boy!!

Here is a 3-D picture of little baby Sheek with his arm up beside him.

In this picture you can see his legs crossed at the ankles.....very proper!

Here is a regular ultrasound picture of baby boy!

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Or a "real boy", as Sam calls him. Sam was in awe that there was a "real boy" in Mommy's belly. He kept asking the ultrasound tech, "It's wil-wee a real boy?".

Sam also kept rubbing it in that he was right about the baby being a boy. I didn't hear him, but apparently he kept telling Maddie, "I told you, I told you it's a boy."

Great, something else for them to argue to about. Sigh....and the sibling rivalry continues.

The ultrasound looked great. The things that mattered most to Wade and I were all there....4 chamber heart, brain, kidneys, bladder, spine....etc. Though I was sure we were having a girl, I am just thankful the baby is healthy and big. He is measuring a week to a week and 1/2 bigger than he is suppose to be.....can we say hello another LARGE baby. He is already following in big brother Sam's foot steps.

We don't have name yet. We are horrible at agreeing on boy names. If you ask Sam, his name will be "Capt'n Hook". Don't worry, though Sam may call him that.....something different will be written on the birth certificate!!!!

Remembering...

Today is the National Day of Miscarriage and Infant Loss. What a wonderful thing to have a day for families to remember their babies that were either born right into the glory of heaven, or that spent only short time on earth before being held by Jesus.

I knew that today was coming. And I knew that this was our first year for this day to hold special meaning in our hearts. I had been dreading today just about as much as I dreaded September 25th (that would have been my due date). But again God's grace pulled me through.

I secretly was trying to decide what, if anything, to do on this day. I had grand plans of setting a balloon loose on the 25th.....but decided against it at the last minute and opted to spend the day with Sam and a sweet friend. I debated whether to follow through with my plan of setting a balloon loose today, but realized that Maddie didn't have school. You see, our earthly children aren't aware that they have a sibling waiting for them in heaven. Even though Sam was with me when we found out we were losing the baby, Wade and I felt that they were much too young to understand and we were afraid that it would cause them more confusion than comfort to be told at this point. One day they will be told. You see, this is as much a part of their story as it is mine.

Today dawned gray and snowy, thus making the decision for me to once again honor my lost baby by simply spending time with Maddie and Sam. The three of us spent the day at the Mall of America, surrounded by bright happy colors and thousands of unknown people full of laughter and smiles. Of course every baby we passed reminded me of what we had lost, but the joy in the eyes of my precious children made it worth the moments of pain.

As I am typing about remembering the baby we lost, I am feeling the subtle bumps and kicks of the baby we are looking forward to welcoming into the world, March 12th 2010 (but are looking toward an induction on the 5th, as I have fairly large babies). We are currently 19 weeks along.

I have been hesitant to declare on here that we were pregnant. Of course, most of my readers are family and already know. The real reason I haven't blogged about being pregnant is simply fear. Fear that I fight to suppress daily. Fear that threatens the joy of this pregnancy. But a fear that is real, as we have lived the nightmare that can happen.

We found out at our 7 week ultrasound that I have a placenta bleed. At last check it was 1.6cm by 1.9cm. My body is currently absorbing the blood and so far it hasn't caused problems. We didn't share the news of our pregnancy with anyone other than immediate family for quite a while. Now that I am 19 weeks we have a good chance to carrying to term.....that being said, I will not relax until this baby is out and in my arms.

I know in my heart that God's grace will pull us through no matter the outcome and trust that God is a loving God and that only He knows what is best.......BUT........I want this story to have a happier ending than the last chapter. I pray next October 15th to be remembering the baby we lost Feb 2009, while holding a new addition to our family.

Apple "Core"chard 2009

With the threat of snow looming, I took it upon myself to make our yearly trip to the apple orchard.....or "core"chard as Sam says. I couldn't bear to think of missing a year taking the kids, nor could I think of having snow as a background for my apple picking pictures.

So, we loaded up the ol' minivan and took off and yet another adventure. This year, however, we were by ourselves. We didn't have Kim's tree climbing expertise to help us get the best apples. This pregnant lady wasn't going to climb any trees. So, the kids did most of the picking. They had a great time....it was just a bit chilly (read 39 degrees).

Walking to the bus stop, October 12th.

I think I will just let these photos speak for themselves........and people wonder why I get homesick up here in the frozen tundra. It's only the beginning of October and this is what I have to look forward to for the next 7 months. Yikes....